the ladies.

I LOVE YOU ANG HUI LIN

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME,I MAY HAVE ISSUES THAT I ABSOLUTELY CANT STAND U OF,BUT STILL AT THE END OF THE DAY,I DEEPLY AM THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL OF YOUR PRESENSE IN MY LIFE.I LOVE U GIRL,IN 2 WEEKS,I'LL HELP YOU WITH WATEVER IT IS THAT U NEED HELP WIF ALRITE,TIL THEN HANG ON!

I LOVE YOU P

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.NTH I SAY WIL BE ABLE TO MATCH UP FOR WATEVER U HAVE TAUGHT,GIVEN,SHARED AND SPENT ON ME.
PS:YOUR DREAM WILL NEVER COME THRU, MAINLY BECOZ I HAVE U.

i'm not feeling well.
emotionally and physicaly.
been having flu the whole day,and becoz of that its diff to breathe,making my asthma worst.(like the state i'm in emotionaly,trying to catch for air)
plus my P came.
becoz of all these,plus the total lack of support frm TF
i feel like shit.
shit's overated when used on me.
becoz with all these i canot do anything,like real work
like study or finish my assignmnets coz nth goes in..
and i feel like shit,and time's running out..
and i realli need to do well this time.
LIKE REALLY REALLY NEED TO..
i'm so stress..
i'm feeling to helpess ad hopeless,coz i reali cant get any work done but i noe i need to...
god...i want to go cry now.
but first i need to clear my table filled wif tissue and breathe,,,

The Play

I miss the Family so very much.

Same house,Different Lives.Different times.
______________________________________
I dressed up today for Sch,for Tc,coz the mood was there

I was happy,excited and very looking-forward

ppl there are funny and fun to hang out wif,thou some and most, some of the times,pissed the shit of me.


and A came for the play,was extremely happy,to date(touch wood!)he hasnt not,not come for anything i asked him to come for.no matter how busy he is or watever,its the effort and thot that counts i feel.and for that,i'm deeply apreciative.only known him for a yr and yet he's always been there for me,its all these small things that i like him for and thus am able to see pass the other stuff like his teeth or his lameness.He cares and tats all that matters.

He came,watched it,waited for HuiLin and me to be done with our debrief which ended quite late and went home wif us.

He wanted to come all the way to Paris,to have a drink wif us,of which he'll also treat Hui lin,but huilin was too tired.Even then he was thinking of going home from Paris,i had to practically kick him out of the train at Outram..

I missed Lect again today,i reali thot that in Poly,everyone would be like me,slack..easy-going,and fun!(heheheh)however i totally thot wrongly,coz these ppl came from normal schs like me,and couldnt possibly change aft sec sch,so the same kind of ppl should be expected-the ones from sec sch..

In class,i'm prob the worst attendants wise,i pray NOT in ademics...or else can realli go bang wall..

Tml's the last day of performance,i hope when i'm on stage i dun shiver like fuck like i did today..!!

And sch starts at 9..at PM,which means i have to wake up at ....6.30 which is in 4 hrs time!

Nite ppl.

Shit happens,
and all i can do is get use to it.
restless,
have to wait for time to do her thing..
this sucks..
its now,80% numb,20%

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

messaging me once in a very blue moon,saying that u miss me,or when you're feeling bored,doesnt make me feel anything.how abt just not messaging at all..ten i wont have to feel shitty when i feel that you're being a hypocrite.

~pardon me..i'm not feeling too gd.

Fri--Sat-Sun

Its like 8.51,just came back from bhangra nite(will post photos soon,dun worry).its wasnt very good,the crowd was horrible,considering that most were from india.. music wasnt that awesome also.but i had fun with my P!!!and her frens.and as usual,we were the highlights..let me see,what were the highlights(besides us)>>>p,was sent a shot,which she so rejected which i thot was a waste!should have just put on the table lah,so I can drink it! hahah.i drank 2 glasses of screwdrivers,was alrite,but am quite sick of it,they fucking didnt have fruit punch lah!!um...was bugged by this guy tat i thot looked ang moh,but p,siad he's middle-easten,he constantly kept approaching me,wanting a dance,even when p,pulled him away and pratically shouted a no in his face in front of everyone on the dance floor,he came back even harder and kept touching me (bastard!!)i told him a straight no and tat i was fucking attached!ten he said he'll wait for me outside for a smoke,tats when we decided to leave.while leaving he was like i'm so jealous...bla bla bla..i almost ran lah!ten we headed to this place,(forgot e name n p,is slping so shall not bother her)i wasnt that hungry so got myself a MIlo,ten another,and ten a plate of mee goreng,cannot tahan lah!ten we cabbed home,tg! we got one so quickly,compared to all the other times!i overally had fun with my qrp onli lah!

Ps:THERE WERE NO CUTE GUYS,HAD SOME ANG MOH,WHO GAVE UP TOKING TO ME COZ I WAS SUPER NOT BOTHERED AND PASSEdD ON TO PERVIN,BUT OVERALL,NO CUTE GUYS!!!DISAPPOINTING LAH!hehehe

To P:i'm realli sorry,if i had inconvenienced you in any way.sorry abt what happened be4 B.i just want u noe,that i'm lucky to have u,and that i'll always be there like how u have almost been for me,and will literally,LOVE YOU to death my dearest,only i will ever noe how much u have done for me and only saying i'm grateful is,def not enough,but neway thanks my love for everything,pls just noe that i'm there and will always be there for u,for everythng.LUVS U honeys!
##onli my P,will understand this,so dun even try to if you're not her!.##

oh and 17 of my family members and i watched Harry Potter.DISAPPOINTING!!! i didnt like it at all,was boring and so not full of any action at all,i was terribly BORED!Prob worst Harry Potter movie ever!but was so glad that all the cousins came together,realli missed them so much!

*these are the photos of The Me being Model Nite.ENJOY!







**my Huns-Buns,who surprised me yet again and made me feel like its my Bday once again.i cant luv u guys enough!
Ps:vonny dear,its becoz u had an extremely valid reason unlike a,tats why i wasnt upset ok!nth else!MG!!


**we should try auditioning for a tooth Ad!haha
**Shot 1-NICE
**Shot 2-EW!!
**My side view is gorgeous,and p,looks like shes shouting!
**we Try so very hard to get a good shot with the studs..but keepo failing lah,,how??!!!!haha
**Yet again..
**My beautiful Mama.who came staright from a hard day's work at sch just to support me(i LUVS her CAN!!)
**Evon,my sweetheart!
**Huilin,my Honey!
**P,my soul-Mate

**Look at A, stupid face!!!!WTF!!!!!i cannot stop laughing!!!!
**Mama Again,i noe she luvs me!
**My second dress.



**ME
**Strutting The Run-Way.


**Me.

**My Partner and fellow Fren

**My first Dress.
**Closest mate there and awesome girl,Fana
**Another close mate and happening girl,Della
**Partner,Cassin(alumni)
**The four of us,rest were busy taking their own photos




**Getting my Makeup done.
**i was waiting anxiously!(was fucking scared in other words)




**the photographer and me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pictures from hui lin(she gave me onli 2!!!)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


**LOVe them!!!

**Me,in the end,feeling sooo0000 very happy!




Ps::just want to thank everyone who came from the east to support me in the west,love you all so very much,and family,thanks very much for everything,i'll always remember all your faces for as long as i can,when you guys were cheering for me..
Pss::i was alittle upset that H and i didnt take any photos,But thanks for everything anyway,and we'll def have more chance in the future.

HIM again..

I've been coming home almost aft 11 everyday,and sleeping onli aft 1 ten getting up realli early and the cycle continues.
but here i am blogging,coz if i dun,my mind will burst with thots like wat happened to jing mei's mum(forgot her name) from JLC.

I've been thinking abt A,i mean he's always at the back of my mind,but these few days,it has intensified..

i think abt him whenever,i have nth to do,like when i'm not busy,or when i see ppl,in Jc uni,or ppl who're training.my heart just melts!!FUCK lah,i sound so pathetic dam it!!! i'm not like this lah!!!

I miss him so very much!!!and the worst part is,he's not coming tml.my SMS conver with him went like this:

Z:so how u coming on fri?
A:evon they all going?(if they're not means u not coming lah??ASSHOLE)
Z:yah should be lah,go with them.
A:um..ok lor
Z:but hey if u dun want to come,ten its alrite u noe..
A:ok ten nvm lah
Z:ok...(heart broken)
**its not word for word but it went smt like that...

dam it dam it!!! i'm so hooked on him!! and he's not even my type!! and he doesnt even have the nicest teeth(prob the worst)so WHY?!!!and and,i dun noe if he feels the same for me!!!

i think abt how it would be like to kiss him which is fucking insane!!!!(considering his teeth and all)hahaha,but for me to even think abt such a stuff is like thinking abt...Lewis hooking up with Hui lin...IMPOSSIBLE!

Neway i'm sad abt the fact that i'll not be seeing him tml,even if i noe i'll be looking like shit,i just wanted to see him..and i'm also upset with the fact that i like him so much...and doubt highly that he likes me back the same...FUCK!

P:oi,you're so pathetic
Z:i noe!!!but arnt we all??
**arnt we??!!!

neway i feel like shit,and am VERY tired,so gd nite ppl,and pray for me for tml,that i wont fall flat on my face,on stage in front of the whole of west coast park...NITE!

Random.

i dont want to tok about Safari Nite.All i'll say is that with the 3 monkeys,i had my share of the fun!

Neway,its the weekends ready.

MY WANTS:

1. A NEW BAG,LIKE THE TOTE BAG KINDA THINGI,BUT NOT EXACTLY NOT AS BIG.(CANT WAIT FOR 20TH NOV!!,I'LL BE GETTING NOT 1 BUT 2 CRUMPLER!!!)
2. I WANT TO GET THE NORMAL BORING WHITE SHOES FROM THE SHOE SHOP AT CENTRAL
3. A NICE,BUT NOT TOO NICE COMFORTABLE SHOE TO WEAR TO SMT WEAR TO SP.(I REALIWISHED MY FEET WAS SMALLER!!I'LL BUY ALL THE GORGEOUS SHOES IN THE WORLD!)
4. A GUCCI/MANGO WALLET.
5. MY HAIR MOIRSTUURISER/CREAM
6. TO GO BOWLING WITH THE GIRLS!!
7. FOOD FROM CRYSTAL JADE!
   

**THERES SMT ELSE I WANTED BUT FORGOT**(WIL UPDATE WHEN I REMEMBER)

to all those ppl,whom i've not had the chance to talk to lately,do still noe that your thots are with me,and that i'm always theres,whenever u need a tok. ok then i'll be awaiting your phonecalls!

The DREAM.

i had a dream on the last nite tat i stayed in penang.

it really was a dream,with the edges cloudy/smokey and air filled with pink clouds and loads and loads of LOVE.

i saw myself with a guy(couldnt see the face but was chi..)and we were both completely in love with each other just completly,like the world didnt matter and onli i mattered to him and vise versa.
----------which is weird,coz since CK,whenever i'm in a relationship or watever,i feel suffocated and miserable,with the fact that i'm attached,just the thot of the such future happenings,i get scared....i'm very werid--------

i also saw him being very athetlic(godknows how to spell tat shit!)and he was on stage and he won smt and i felt so proud of him,becoz he was MINE,and he did well ,i was so excited so happy,so warm.

Then we hugged,me in his arms,pressing his body against mine,i felt save and wanted the moment to last an eternity.(being the conservative me,holding hands is already a big deal,so i was so shocked in the dream with male contact like this,but i kinda enjoyed it)

Then we just walked hand in hand,sat one a ledge of smt,and just looked out to smt( its either moutains or the sea)and swing our legs and were just so hapy with each other's pressence.i felt so blessed and happy and warm..

thru out everything,not a single word was exchanged between us,and yet we understood each other so well,theres was so much eye contat,i guess the LOVE between us did the toking,it was so much tat toking wasnt neccessay.

thru out the dream,i felt LOVE,i felt WARM,i felt SAVE,i felt extreme HAPPINESS.

****IS THIS WHAT LOVE IS?****

if so,i've felt it,whats weird is that i didnt even see his face,which like what hui lin says may be a good thing.whatever it is,i couldnt stop thinking abt it the whole day, even after finding out that we missed the plane the next day and everyone was sulking and moody,i just thot of the dream and i felt the whole sensation again and was hapy again.hehe(bad me!)

Its been3 days since the dream,and my poor memory is failing me again,althou i can sort of remember the dream,i've forgotten the sensation.but i dun think i'd want to dream it again,i guess i'm just scared.coz as good as that feeling was,i could also feel some hidden danger,like a sucking machine,it felt dangerous.(i'm so DRAMA!)

oh and i went Night Safari yest nite,details, next post,need to slp now,tml got ICA!!haha and here i am dreaming!nite.